..................................

how can you possibly sleep at night knowing that you're just a big fake.
making yourself seem like your this all around jolly person that genuinely cares.

stop pretending you're so perfect, other ppl cant see or at least they pretend they dont bc they want to believe that "Im always happy, come share your secrets w/ me and i'll act like i care and nod my head occasionally so you'll think im still listening" act. Well it doesnt fool me, at least not anymore.

once again im finding myself angry at nothing, on the verge of tears for no reason. only there is a reason, but apparently not important enough for you to keep your word.





Im supposed to be writing a poem about what i think is the purpose of life. i would say its love, being accepted for who you are and finding happiness in a circle of ppl that share the same amount of concern for one another as you do. how can i go through with writing a poem when i dont even have that, i hope to. But then again, no one ever really cares as much as i do. about anything.

and once again im rambling about nothing in particular, just my emo ass thinks too much.

=D

Yesterday I had the best time of my life, i mean wow :)
My little sister was part of a sweet fifteen so ofcourse i went to support her and my friends did too.
she looked awesome, absolutely beautiful in her dress, heels, and makeup. My baby sister looked like a woman. =']
well, her dance partner was my awesome cousin Eddy and they did perfect. never missed a beat. on point and just plain awesome =]
i had so much fun, i danced my ass off. Im so glad i got to share that night w. my closest friends and family, it was...........Awesome lmaooo
we all looked lovely

I loved it.

and of course like every blog i write theres always a not-so-happy ending.
i know i disappointed you
Im sorry, i truely am and i hope you dont think im not taking this seriously bc i am.
Im sorry, Mom.

worst day of my life.

What am i supposed to do?
how can i possibly forgive someone whos hurt me so bad if they cant see why it had such a great affect on me.
not only did i get screwed over bad but my feelings were totally blown off
oh and to make things better, i got suspended.=D big poppa bucks had to come into school today and i almost got the shit beaten outta me rite in front of my prinicipal. HOW EXCITING
-__________-

idk if sorry is even enough, if i can trust again the only person i ever opened up. and i see now that it was a mistake but i dont want it to be. becuase having my feelings gaurded all the time drains so much engergy from me. and what can i say, i tried.
i tried to be as confident as everyone thinks i am. and i once when i was feeling my self, i was really doing things for myself, everything i thought i was over gets thrown rite in my face all at once.

Sorry.......
Im sorry.......
yea i feel you......
My bad......
that will never happen again.....

idk if that means anything to me anymore.


=T,whats done is done. i cant do anything about it but move on. like always.....

anyway, syediah, linda, esvin, maria, and Kenny did so well performing their poems.
they made me so proud, LEADERSHIP^^^^
lmaoo.
syediah so made me cry and linda, you are awesomeeeee<3

well since i got in trouble at school, i have to go to bed extra early and i have to be driven to school becuase i am no longer trusted with getting to school on time by my self.

this weekend better be awesome.

Sigh.....

Idk wether i should be relieved or totally hurt.
i mean i liked you alot, and i cant blame you for moving on.
i've been so hurt in the past that it stopped me from letting myself open up to you.
and now you seem happy, happier then you've ever been w. any girl.
but ur one of my bestfriends so i guess i should be thankful that you're happy and that she makes you happy.

everything seems good between us, i just hope nothing gets in the way.................... AGAIN


anyway, Im doing really good in school this quarter and i found that its not as hard as i made it out to be. My teacher Ms almagno "maggie" got me into spoken word, poetry slam w.e u wanna call it.
i love it, its awesome and im really into and i think im going to continue writing poems like i used to so and maybe even perform some :)


I also want to say that im so very thankful for what i have, and up until today i never knew how good i have it.
i felt like absolute shit today for contemplating on such small things when i have friends whos sibling are getting shot and friends who harm themselves because they see no purpose in living any longer.
i just want to say that im thankful, and talking to a specific person, I'm sorry, i love you, and i never realized how much u mean to me. You are truley one of my bestfriends and i cant see my self in life w. out you.